Conflicted
by NintendoGal55
Summary: As Helga faces her senior year in high school, just soon after Arnold returns, she finds herself within conflicting emotions and situations she isn't sure she knows how to handle. And Arnold? Perhaps he too, is having trouble.
1. The Inside Story

**Hey all. I pretty much wrote this purely out of my misery. Yeah, I'm feeling pretty down about some things right now. And I assure you, it is nothing at all serious. I just feel low about a few things, and most of which are not even real life things (fandom related) and if they are, they are fixable and by tomorrow, I'll feel so much better.**

**But oh, so much of this was eating at my gut that I had to write this. That's how I usually make myself feel better. I write. Or read, or watch something and cheer myself up.**

**I was also kind of inspired by SuprSingr, and her second chapter of her fic "Arnold's Journal", which is one of the things I feel bummed about. XD Yeah, I know, how silly of me to feel sad over a freaking FANFIC. Well, come on! It was depressing! XD**

**So, here we go, I guess. XD**

**--**

He had been back for about a month now.

Even now, I still couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe after he was gone for so long, that he was back. Back in the same country. Back in the same state. Back in the same city. Back in the same neighbourhood.

Back within walking distance.

Oh God. I don't even know whether I should be happy or if I should just shoot myself.

But I, Helga G. Pataki, am not a quitter. Suicide is for weak-minded morons who don't even know what a psychologist is. Stupid idiots.

Whatever. I'm not talking about that now.

My love, my angel, my inspiration, my reason for living, my EVERYTHING, and my....ex-boyfriend, is back now. Arnold. He's home now.

It's a long story how everything came about, and I think about it all the time and every day. It hurts to do that, and yet, I can't help but smile at the better times.

During our class trip to San Lorenzo, back when we were ten and in Fifth Grade, Arnold had succeeded in finding his parents and apprehending that bastard La Sombra. I had helped him as much as I could, because one I knew of his mission, there was no stopping me. I was going to help him find his parents, dead or alive. He wanted to know the truth, and you know I'd do anything for my beloved, so of course I kicked myself into high gear and helped him as much as I could.

Of course, I nearly gave up. There was a point that I just lost myself and pretty much was ready to throw in the towel. Even I can't believe myself, looking back. How could I have been so weak? Surprisingly enough, it was Brainy who helped me get back on my feet. I was moping like a moron in the middle of the jungle, in tears and frustrated with myself, when Brainy comes to where I am, and just kind of says hi and asks if I'm okay. I kind of ranted and yelled for a minute about the whole situation. I couldn't help it, I wanted to help my beloved, and I was failing in doing so.

On top of that, I had lost my locket, too. My precious possession aside from my bow. My locket. With Arnold's photo inside, and a little inscription that although didn't express my love in a poem, was still loving and sincere, telling him I loved him.

_Arnold my soul, you are always in my heart. Love, Helga G. Pataki._

I still smile when I see that message. Yes, I still have my locket, shut up.

Anyway, so then Brainy gives me my locket, which he had found. And needless to say, that was enough motivation for me to get back on my feet and keep trying. The war wasn't over. Far from over. And so I did. And I'm so glad I did.

Okay, I'm getting carried away. At the end of it all, I was presented with the surprise of my life when Arnold...

Well, confessed that he loved me too.

I couldn't believe it at the time. I was so sure something was wrong and that I was being tricked. I knew I wasn't dreaming. So I figured it was some kind of a hallucination brought on by my imagination. After all, I'm the same girl who was walking home and seeing lemons turn into Arnold heads! I attributed it all as the unrequited love finally making me snap.

But then he kissed me.

And I knew it was real. Arnold, the love of my life and my angel, was in love with me right back. He loved me. He actually loved me. ME! Helga G. Pataki! The same girl who had tormented him throughout our childhood, while still had SOME nice moments with him. Me!

Well, needless to say, we didn't go back to Hillwood the same way.

We dated for a few years after that. Our courtship was, despite all the fights, wonderful. We went on dates, held hands in the hallways at school, kissed between classes, sat together at lunch, went for walks, we did a lot of things together and we had fun. A lot of fun.

It was definitely the greatest times of my life.

But then it all came crashing down.

We broke up.

Oh yes. I should have known it would happen eventually. Girls like me didn't deserve happiness. Not after all that I did, not after what my life has been like. I didn't deserve such a gem. We had stormy times, and then he dropped the bomb on me that he was moving. His parents wanted to travel the world and of course he was going with them, he never wanted to be separated from them again.

Lovely.

So, we broke up before he left. Mostly our stormy times had to do with it, but also, I bet the move had something to do with it. We didn't want to tie each other down. I know I didn't. After all, what if he met and fell in love with a gorgeous girl somewhere in England or something?

Needless to say, I just felt myself going downhill since he left. Yeah, I'm a little better now, but still. I just don't feel the same.

He wrote to me all the time, which was awesome. I kept and savoured all of his letters. I wanted to write back to him, but I couldn't. I feel so stupid about that. I would write a letter, place it in an envelope, address it, stamp it, and then off to the mailbox I go. Drop it in, zip-a-dee-doo-da. Done.

But no.

I would always find myself chasing after Harvey, demanding the letter that I had just tried to send back. He'd give it to me, I'd take it home, place it in my binder where I keep all my unsent letters to him, and then sulk about it for a while. Looking back, it WAS pretty lame of me to do that.

But I can't really explain it. I just couldn't do it. It's one of those things that you just do by instinct, and you don't really have a logical explanation. You just do it.

Well anyway, the point is, we had a lot of rough times throughout our courtship, he moved away, and now he's back.

Which brings me to today. I guess I may as well tell you what's going on with me.

I am now seventeen years old, a Senior in high school, and boy I've definitely changed quite a bit in the appearance department. I'm now very tall, 5'9", courtesy of my the genetics of my parents, especially my dad. My hair is longer, and I may sometimes wear it in pigtails, but mostly I leave it down or wear it in a ponytail. My face grew into my nose and eyes, so I don't look like such a big, bug-eyed creature. I had braces a few years ago, so my overbite has improved, thankfully. Oh yes, and I did pluck my unibrow when I was twelve. It felt good having two eyebrows for a while. But now I alternate. Sometimes I keep the unibrow, and then when I get sick of it, gimme the tweezers. And vice-versa.

Puberty has been VERY friendly to me. I've got pretty good boobs, a 34 C, on top of that. Not bad, eh? I've got hips, great legs, a toned stomach, strong toned arms. I have to admit, I look pretty good. Thanks, baseball and basketball! Yeah, I've got a pretty thin athletic build. Works for me. The boys definitely notice, and they've been asking me out left and right since 10th grade.

Ahahahahaha, NO.

That's right, I always give those stupid oversexed assholes the same answer. NO. It's always the same kind of guy. Never met him, never had a class with him, sometimes in a different grade than me, and who obviously doesn't know me. All they want is sex, since I happen to be a hot blonde chick with a good body.

It's not to say I didn't try to date. I did find it myself to date a couple of guys. Didn't work out, long story short. The first guy was nice, his name was Brent Perters, and he was a bit of a nerd. We felt we were better off as friends. The other guy turned out to be a jerk, and he cheated on me with his ex. Yeah. I dumped his ass in front of everyone in the cafeteria. HA! Take that, asses.

But other than that, I've had no luck with boys.

Not that I care.

Arnold has always been my true love. He still is, even to this day. I knew from the beginning that I would never stop loving him. You know, when you really love someone, and even if you move on and find someone else, you never stop loving them? Yeah, I found that out first hand, and in thanks to the father of one of my uncles.

Okay, get ready for a boring old man-related story. But let me tell you, it opened my eyes and realize that true love really CAN last a lifetime.

My uncle, who is married to my mom's sister, had his father, John, release a little autobiography on his life story. I've met John a few times in my life, and he always had such interesting stories about his days in the army and other times of his life. Well, call me crazy, but I asked my uncle if I could have a copy. I wanted to see if I could find something juicy. Heh heh, yeah, shut up! Anyway, he's as old as Arnold's Grandpa, and he always had a story to tell.

John is actually from Canada, born in 1927, he lived up in northern Manitoba in a small town, and was pretty poor. Which was pretty common back then in the 1930's, the era of the Great Depression. His family lived on a farm, and he had to drop out of school most of the time in order to work on his family's farm, and do little odd jobs around town to make money. He had four brothers and sisters, so you can imagine how tough it was back then, raising that many kids on an incredibly tight budget.

Anyway, he was in love with this girl, Dawn. They were together for a few years, dating at age ten until about fourteen, when she moved away. They promised that they would one day reunite and get married, and would always love each other. They didn't see each other again until 2002, and she left back in 1940.

After his service to the Army, John ended up marrying my uncle's mother, Clara, in 1962. He really did love her, and they had three children together. They had met while he was in Québec, serving in the Royal Canadian Air Force. They met in Montréal, and eventually got to dating before they got married some years later. But Clara was a pretty sick woman most of the time, her health wasn't exactly the best, and she didn't do much of a good job in taking care of herself. As John described it, during her final years, she had pretty much just forgotten how to love. She was always so weak, so frail. Her days in the hospital were heartbreaking on the whole family. It wasn't long after their 50th Wedding Anniversary that she died.

Despite the rough times, he did love Clara, despite how upset and resentful he felt of her soon after she died. But John was a real trouper. He went to live in America with his son and daughter in-law for a while to get himself back on his feet, and then eventually went back to Canada. This time, he moved to Saskatchewan to settle down in his retirement, and work as a newspaper columnist. And guess who he met one day?

Dawn.

I'm not even joking.

And you know what?

Even to that very day, John had _never stopped loving_ Dawn. Here he was, an old man at 85 years old, and he was still in love with his childhood sweetheart. And she too, was still in love with him. They had never forgotten the promise they had made all those years ago, I might add. They dated for a year, and then got married. They live together now in Saskatchewan, enjoying their retirement, and oh yes, John still works. He's quite a spring chicken for a man his age, let met tell you.

Dawn had had it pretty rough herself. Her husband had been an alcoholic, and often left her and her own children in trouble and in debts because of his alcohol abuse. He had died of severe alcohol poisoning in 1998, leaving her in quite an emotional turmoil for a while.

And she looks good. She's in her 80's, but I could swear she was in her fifties. I couldn't believe a woman could look that good at an old age. It was weird.

We just saw them last year when they came to visit us with their kids. They're still together, and as energetic and young as ever. Dawn was complaining about having gray hairs. Please! My aunt is in her fifties and she's been gray since she was forty! Oh well.

So long story short, I came to realize that love really can last a lifetime. I've been in love with Arnold since I was three years old. I'm now seventeen, and my feelings haven't changed. In fact, they only grew stronger as time went by. Ever since I read John's book, I knew for certain, more than ever before, that my love would never change. That makes me so mad, and yet happy at the same time. God, everything about this is just love and hate!

I loved him. I hated him for doing this to me. I loved him for doing this me. I hated him.

It hurts me. It makes me happy.

Sometimes I have moments where I don't even know what to do.

I tried to convince my friends that I was over him. Phoebe knew all too well that I was lying. Hell, I even tried to convince myself to get over him. And that didn't work. Dr. Bliss told me so.

Oh yeah, and I've been seeing Dr. Bliss for quite a few years now, and let me tell you, I love that woman. I really do. She's been a mother figure to me, and has always helped me through tough times. She's a part of what helped me to realize that I could never stop loving Arnold. No, I will never stop loving my flaxen-haired angel. Not ever.

I just saw her the other day, and I asked her, what can I do now? Now that he's home, what can I do?

She told me to do what I thought was right. To be nice, to be his friend, even. Well, I kind of did. We haven't spoken much since he got back and we started school, but I've tried. I just don't know if he still wants me around though.

Okay, I'm going to go girlish for a moment, but I have got to let this out.

HE IS SO HOT!!!!!!!!

I'm not kidding. Arnold, to me at least, is so HOT.

He's 6'2" now, which is so funny, since he is now taller than me. Ha! What a funnny change. He definitely gets it from his dad and Grandpa for sure. His head is actually a little less obviously oblong, or football-shaped, but it's still there, it's just it now is better proportioned for his body. His hair is still unruly and sticking up, pointing in all directions. I don't care. I love his hair! God, I just want to run my fingers through it... Anyway, he's still pretty skinny, but he has a bit more of a tone to him, from sports and all his physical activity. I like it, it suits him. His gorgeous green eyes still shimmer with kindness and patience, his half-lidded smile still sends shivers up and down my spine, ohh...

Ah damn it, there I go again.

Anyway, to me, he's so damn hot. It took all of my strength the first time I saw him not to hug him like crazy and kiss the living daylights out of him. Seriously, I would eat him alive if I could. What with my hormones having been kicking in over the past few years, on top of that.

Now of course, I'm wondering. What's next? Could things ever be the same?

I wasn't sure. I thought I would have moved on by the time he came back, but no. I haven't. I should have expected that, right? Well, now I know. No matter what he does, where he goes, he will always be my true love.

Fine. I confess. I want him back. That was pretty obvious, but there, I said it.

But we can't. We just can't. Would it even work? Would we fight just as much, if not more than before? Would we drive each other away? Would he just pack up and leave again? There was so much uncertainty, I wasn't even sure if I could think about what would happen if we got back together. All of that scared me, and I don't know if I'd be able to handle another break up.

My heart sinks as I think about this, but I know there are two sides to every coin.

I want him so much. But he deserves better. He deserves better than a girl like me. I really could never drag him down like this. Why would I? I love him too much to do that.

Ugh. I need a break.

--

**I want to make a quick note to you all. :D The story Helga was telling about her uncle's father…is actually based on a true story about my uncle's father. I just changed the names, places, and some bits of the situation, but still the same kind of story. :)**


	2. Worst Nightmare

**XD Whoa! I'm pretty surprised with the feedback! Thanks, guys! :D You're all awesome.**

**And relax, I no longer feel sad. XD Especially from SuprSingr's super special awesome fanfic "Arnold's Journal", which I suggest you all read because it's pretty good and very emotional. :3 Chapter three was equally as sad (though a lot lighter, actually) as chapter two. But I guess one of the reasons that chapter two saddened me so much was because it caught me off guard. XD But now chapter three didn't surprise me so much! It was sad, yet sweet, yes, but I wasn't as "OMG SAD!!! D:" XD**

**So, I feel better! :D**

**Okay, so this part of the story is once more in Helga's POV. Enjoy! You know the disclaimer by now. This chapter is shorter, but I hope it's good. :3**

~~--~~

I AM SO MAD. MAD!!!!!!!

And when you're me, Helga G. Pataki, well, that's usually a normal occurrence. Of course, to be THIS mad, it usually has something to do with my love.

So what, you might be asking now, has got me so steaming mad? I will tell you in two words.

_Lila Sawyer._

That's right. Lila. The girl who I considered as a friend the past few years since Arnold moved away. Lila, the girl who I spent a good portion of the fourth grade hating, considering she had Arnold's undeserving affections. Well let's just say I now have had a blast from the past in the name of Lila. Guess what happened?

Lila had apparently taken a liking to Arnold since he came back, which I can't say I blame her for since he's incredibly hot, and SHE asked HIM out! I'm not even joking. The same girl who he had been chasing in the fourth grade on top of that. The same girl who continuously allowed him to shower her with affection, to actually go and give him that hope, and then just SNATCH it away! The same girl I once actually called a friend.

And the worst part is, he actually accepted.

Actually, that's not the only worst part. That part is just the icing on the cake.

The worst part is that she knew I liked him. She knows I still love him to this very day. And yet she goes and dates him anyway! Isn't there some kind of an unspoken rule that you don't go after the guy (or girl, in the guy's case) that your friend likes? Sure there's the factor in letting the boy (or girl) in question decide who he wants, but still!

How could she do this?! Lila had her chance, and she blew it faster than a fish out of water! Big time! Arnold even told me himself shortly after we began dating that he'd been over Lila for quite a while at the time. And now look. She has him wrapped around her finger all over again. I can't believe it. My worst nightmare has just come back to haunt me, only ten times worse. How could this have possibly happened?!

Well let's see. Lila is now drop-dead gorgeous. She lets her long red hair down, wears tons of makeup, has a killer body, dresses in modest but appealing clothing, and oh yes, she has not lost her over-the-top Sunshine and Flowers sweetness. She still to this day sees the world through rose-coloured glasses, and you can still get diabetes just by spending five minutes with her.

No wonder Arnold went for her. He'd wanted her in fourth grade, and now she's grown and developed, and ten times more awesome to the boys than before. Plus, he just had a stormy and difficult-at-times relationship with me, a girl he just can't seem to understand. Lila is perfectly easy. Ten times easier to handle than me. He needs that.

They'd been dating for two months now. Every time I see them together, I want to just PUKE. She clearly doesn't deserve him. She's never loved him like I have! All through his absence, she was perfectly fine and bubbly, as if she didn't even care. That's not to say she couldn't have cried about it behind closed doors, but I don't know.

The way things are going, with any luck, the next time Arnold and I talk and hang out, they'll be engaged.

Okay, so I'll stop grossing myself out and making myself angry for a minute and talk about my…well, friendship with Arnold.

He showed up at my house some time ago, before he and Lila started dating. He invited me to Slausen's so we could get ice cream and catch up. We actually had a good time together and since then we've hung out here and there when we had the time. So, it's a little like back when we were dating. Except without all the awesome stuff, of course. We do argue still, not as much as we used to and we do always resolve them. So, things aren't so bad between us, and I'm glad about that. Having him around me and that he actually likes it is good to know, even if it's not as much as I wanted.

Well like I said, it was bound to happen, and I know now that I don't deserve him. I'll always love him, that'll never change, but I have to accept the fact that he's with Lila.

But I can't!!!!!!!

I want him to be happy! I always have. Even when my selfish side comes out, I still want him to be happy. So why can't I be the supportive best friend instead of the jealous, lovesick ex-girlfriend?!

You might be waiting for me to put in some details as to how I've sabotaged their dates. Well fortunately for them and unfortunately for you, I don't do that anymore. Maybe I did when I was nine, but come on; I'm a much bigger person than that now! And the idea of Arnold hating me for it scares me more than anything.

Okay, so I followed them once on their first date. In disguise, of course. They went to Chez Pierre for dinner, and…well, Arnold looked like he was on Cloud Nine, always laughing and having fun with Lila, while she was…well, isn't Lila anything but sweet and happy? Well, that was the night I gave up.

Now that Arnold has Lila, a perfectly easy and sane relationship, with no arguments at all, he has the perfect life. Great friends, good grades in school, his family (parents now included), can travel the world, and most of all, a wonderful girlfriend that is not me.

Arnold is happy. He would marry Lila in an instant and then his life would be complete. And of course he wouldn't need me anymore. Since he and Lila began dating, he doesn't hang out with me as much! Okay, I know sometimes when you're dating someone, you tend to spend as much time as you can with them! But Arnold told me himself when we began dating that he DID have a life outside of our relationship, which was fine with me, of course, I didn't have any objections to that. Come on, I love Arnold and I would have spent every waking moment I could with him, but this is the real world, and I know part of a good relationship is BALANCE.

Must be surprising to hear that from me, huh? You might be thinking "Oh, so Helga ACTUALLY lets Arnold have a life outside their courtship?"

Well, doi! I wanted to be the best girlfriend I could to him! And hey, I also have a life outside of him too! Not much of one, but still a life! Plus, he helped motivate me to formulate things outside of our courtship and find new things. For starters, I still wrote poetry more and more, including personal ones just for him, I even took up to writing short stories, which actually went pretty well. I even grew to have a hobby in reading more, and strange as it sounds, I even took up dancing again. You know, to have something to do! I don't dance anymore, but I did it at the time.

So of course we had a life outside of our courtship, and when we did see each other, we made the best of it.

But with Lila? Nope. He spent all his free time with her. I actually had the courage to call him up last Sunday and asked if he wanted to go see a movie with me. The _Friday The 13__th_remake was out at the time and I had been dying to see it. I knew he'd want to see it too, since we shared the same interest in movies. I remember our first date, he suggested we see that cheesy romance movie playing at the time, since I'm a girl and we were on a date. But of course I said no way and said we should see _Evil Twin 3_ instead. Arnold was pretty happy with that! Yes, we did actually go see a couple of cheesy romance flicks just for the fun of it, and they weren't bad, I guess. What was I saying? Oh, right. Well, he turned me down and said he and Lila were going to Dino Land, which made me want to puke again.

Hello? Lila can barely even handle most of the rides! Okay okay, fine, I'll concede and say that it's not necessarily a bad thing, because the solution is either not to participate or just do your own thing. But no, oh no, she goes on these rides with him and ends up puking afterward.

Anyway, needless to say, he barely has time for me anymore. And that sucks. Yes, having a girlfriend CAN eat up some of your time, I should know, I was once his girlfriend and we did spend a lot of time together, but Arnold is the type to follow with his first-made commitments. If he made plans with Gerald to go to the arcade, he wouldn't drop that to go do something else (unless it was an absolute emergency), and if he had a date with me, he would also follow through with it. We dated and spent time together without having to drop anything. That's what Arnold was more comfortable with, and well, you know I'll do anything for him, so it was cool by me. Like I said, it was fine.

But what the hell is going on?! With Lila, he is practically glued to her side! I can barely even get alone time with him at school without her being there with him. Come on, is it too much to ask that I want some alone time with my friend, who I'm also still in love with?

Apparently, it is.

I even confronted him about it the other day after I heard from Phoebe that Gerald had asked Arnold to go to the arcade with him, to which he agreed. But on the day they were to go, which was three days ago, he called Gerald and told him that there was a change of plans and that he was going to the movies with Lila instead.

So I got a little upset and confronted him, saying he was a big hypocrite and spending all of his time with Lila. We didn't yell and scream like a couple of banshees, but we did raise our voices a couple of octaves.

Well, of course, he said the one thing that confirmed my worst nightmare.

"_I know I spend all of my time with Lila, but can you blame me, Helga? I love her, and I just can't help but be with her all the time. And I know for sure that I want to marry her after we finish college, so of course I want to spend as much time as I can with her, and I know she feels the same way."_

I could swear that I had died just then. He wanted to marry Lila one day, and Lila wanted to as well. Granted, he didn't ask her yet, but they wanted it. Their lives were all set. They'll marry after college, and then go live happily ever after.

So then I said to him,

"_I understand how you feel. But I'm starting to wonder whatever happened to the Arnold who would spend time with his girlfriend without having to drop anything!"_

And then I ran home. I just couldn't take it. Stupid Lila, I don't even talk to her anymore. She still tries to, but damn it, it's hard to listen to her. She knew I liked Arnold, she knows I still love him, and she goes and dates him anyway! No. I refuse to sit and listen to her love rants and how "ever so" sweet and awesome he is. Of course, I whole-heartedly agree, but when I hear it directed at HER, I just want to shove the phone down her throat.

So once more, I'm conflicted.


	3. Remember The Time

**Hello everyone. :D We are now going to delve into the mind of our beloved football head! I'll also go a little into what's happening with him, and how he can make mistakes, and selfish ones too. Poor baby.**

**But hey, whenever he did make a selfish mistake, he regretted them and tried to make amends. That's part of life, and it's refreshing to see a character not blaming his or her mistakes on others.**

**Thank SuprSingr for that, she suggested I do this fic in his perspective as well, and hey, great idea! I had gone to her for a little advice on what to do next when I was stuck on chapter one, but now I think I know where to go. :D Thanks for your help, Singr! I love ya, my snuggle bunny and Partner in Crime! X3**

**I own neither of the characters! **

**And holy crackers! 17 reviews?!? O_O Wow. You guys really like this story. I'm surprised! XD Well, thank you so much! I'm glad you guys are enjoying it.**

~~--~~

_Do you remember the time_

_When we fell in love_

_Do you remember the time_

_When we first met girl_

_Do you remember the time_

_(Oh I)_

_When we fell in love_

_Do you remember the time_

_Do you remember_

_How we used to talk_

_You know we'd stay on the phone at night till dawn_

_Do you remember_

_All the things we said_

_Like I_

_Love you so_

_I'll never_

_Let you go_

_Do you remember_

_Back in the spring_

_Every morning birds would sing_

_Do you remember_

_Those special times_

_That just go on and on_

_In the back of my mind _

It was funny how a classic Michael Jackson song that happened to be playing while doing my homework seemed to hit so close to home as the lyrics soon caught my attention.

Of course, anyone who might've been in the room with me would probably say something along the lines of me associating this song about my love life with Lila.

I thought I would too, but no. Not only did the lyrics not match up to us at all, but I had an entirely different person in mind as I was listening to the classic pop song. I ended up thinking of none other than my ex-girlfriend Helga Pataki.

A lot of people would think I was crazy, thinking about my previous love interest at a time like this, they'd think I was such a jerk for not having my thoughts on my current girlfriend. I guess I can't blame them, but looking back, they say that you never forget your first love. I know that all too well. And then some.

After all, Helga was my first girlfriend. My first _serious_ girlfriend, on top of that. In fact, she was my first (almost) everything, wasn't she? Including my first kiss. Even today, eight years later, funny as it sounds, I can still remember our first kiss. At least, the first time our lips met. I guess some wouldn't count it because it was during a school play in fourth grade, and the kiss was scripted. Still, a kiss was a kiss, I guess.

To be more technical, our first "real", excuse-free kiss happened on the rooftop of what was once the FTi building while we were saving the neighbourhood. Not a lot of my friends know this story, since I only ever told it to Gerald, and I'm guessing he hadn't told anyone else. It was then I was told the truth, that she actually was in love with me. At the time, I was pretty shocked, and in the middle of saving the neighbourhood, we had to get back across town before the bulldozers rolled.

Long story short, I knew that she loved me and we kind of pretended that it didn't happen. I guess you can say we needed time to think about it ourselves before we thought about it together. As shocked as I was, I was pretty flattered, considering my bad luck with girls at the time, that someone actually truly liked me. The only girls who'd ever even come close to liking me was Lila, only to find out she only liked me because thought I liked her, before I actually did like her like her. Then Gerald's little sister, Timberly. Yeah...she was four years old, five years younger than I was, and it just didn't work. Not even when I had made the selfish decision in using her to get Lila.

Man, I sure had a lot of crazy times back then.

Another long story short, I later realized that I felt the same way about Helga. Shocking, I know. And it wasn't because she was in love with me. I really did love her, I loved everything about her. She was, to be corny for a minute, the perfect girl for me. To be honest, I think I've loved her all along, but I guess I didn't know it, and I had it repressed, because of everything that happened between us. When I realized I loved her, it felt as if I'd known, and yet I didn't. Like it was there but I never saw it. At least, not directly.

I proved it to her with a kiss of my own, right in the middle of the San Lorenzo jungle just soon after we finally found my parents. It was the first kiss I initiated, and our first mutual kiss. Unfortunately, Gerald interrupted us, and while we made lame excuses, but even I knew better. He knew what was going on. After we finally left, I could see that the rest of our class knew what was going on and were teasing us about it.

After that, we dated for a few years. Sure, we did have a lot of stormy times, arguing a lot and all, but we had a great courtship. I really did love being with her. Maybe we were only ten, and facing way more intense feelings of love than I could comprehend, but I wanted to try, you know?

We broke up a few years ago, and well, it's not my favourite topic, but we did. Another long story short, we broke up, and then shortly after, I moved away. Even then, I still loved her. I wrote to her, but she never wrote back. I never understood why, but I guess that maybe, maybe it was harder for her. It was hard for her to do that, and well, I would never hold something like that against her.

Now I'm back. I've been back for quite a while now.

Quite a bit has changed around here, especially in all my friends. They were all older, taller, developed in mind and body. I have to say, it was scary seeing them all when I came back for good. I still associated them as the nine-year-olds I remembered them as. But no, they were all practically grown up by the time I came home. Just as I was.

And Helga...

Puberty was definitely friendly to her, and she looks really good, in her own Helga-ish manner. Helga has always been real about her appearance, she looks the way she wants to, and definitely goes against what girls consider beauty standards today. I've always admired her for that. It makes her all the more appealing, and she definitely looks it. I like her body type too, it's athletic yet fairly thin, she has a good build to her and has put just enough meat on her bones. She looks really healthy, and that's attractive in a girl. But it doesn't matter how she looks, because the girl underneath all of that is a true wonder.

I can't help but smile in a special way as I think about her. It always happens, and sure I feel conflicted when I think about her, but there is one thing I know for sure.

I still love her.

And yet, I'm with Lila now.

Sometimes, like right now, I start to wonder what I'm even doing. I wonder if I'm making the right choice, if I'm doing the right thing. I don't really know. No one except Gerald knows that I still love Helga. Funny, isn't it? Well, ever since I realized that I loved her all those years ago, I guess I've never stopped. It sounds weird, it sounds terrible of me, but it's true, and I've always been a lousy liar.

But I do. I love Helga with all my heart.

It sounds hard to believe, even to me, but I know there's no denying or avoiding it.

Then I guess I should explain what's going on with Lila. Because frankly, even I don't know for sure anymore.

Some time after I came back, Lila came over to me and asked if I wanted to go get a milkshake with her, so we could catch up and talk. I agreed to it, figuring that'd be a nice idea, to reconnect with an old friend. So we went to Slausen's and we chatted for a good while over milkshakes, she told me what she'd been up to over my absence, how her family was doing back in the country, her father's new job and the new place they were looking to get not far from H.S. 118, and it was pretty nice talking with her again.

I have to admit, Lila sure did get really pretty over the years too. She lets down her hair from her childhood braids more often, and she let it grow a little more. Her freckles had faded quite a bit, which only seemed to make her look more mature and grown-up. She's also pretty petite, though still somewhat taller than Phoebe, and she's really thin, without much meat on her bones. She also wears makeup quite often, sometimes a bit too much, though.

She and Helga had also grown to be friends over the years since I was gone, which was cool to hear, I was glad that Helga was making friends with the gang. That made me pretty happy. Although, I think since Lila and I began dating, she doesn't even talk to her anymore. Lila doesn't seem to understand why, either.

I do, though. I know why all too well.

Anyway, so after that little "date", I walked Lila home and she said she missed me a lot and wanted to give me a chance, the chance I wanted back in the fourth grade. I was unsure about it, considering I'd been over her for a long time and was pretty indifferent about her, but I told her I'd think it over and get back to her. Then she kissed me, and I left in a daze.

I talked to Gerald the next day, and he said I definitely contracted what he called "Sawyer Syndrome", that I was falling for Lila all over again. Most especially now that I had no obstacles to face, I didn't have to go through the trouble of winning her over, I didn't have to hear the same old "Arnold, I don't like you like you, I just like you", if I wanted to date her, which I was sure I did, I'd just have to tell her and then there we go, closed deal.

Lila was, I hate to say it, the easy way out.

To be honest, I kind of lied to Lila that evening. I wasn't just unsure about dating her because it had been so long and I'd been over her longer than I've liked her, but it was also because I was conflicted with my emotions about...well, Helga. I still wasn't over her, and I'm still not, so I wasn't sure that I wanted to get into a relationship. Especially with someone that wasn't her. I knew since being with Helga, that I would never be able to date another girl without comparing her to Helga, and like any other girl, Lila also came up short. Way short.

Gerald, being the only one who knew that I still loved Helga, let alone unsure of what to do next, suggested that I give Lila a chance and see where it goes. That maybe I needed to date other people. Well, I was hesitant to do it, since a part of me, okay, most of me, wanted to be with Helga, while the rest of me agreed with him.

So, I did. I went to Lila the next day after and told her that I'd give her a chance. It's funny, you know, back when I liked her in fourth grade, I would have been jumping up and down doing cartwheels, acting all excited and giddy. But now, I just felt content and good about it. Like it didn't matter either way. And it didn't.

So what am I doing?

Honestly, I don't know.

I haven't been able to think straight since Helga accused me of spending all of my time with Lila, not making time for my other friends. I thought first that she was just speaking out of jealousy, but I realize now that she's right. It's strange. Lila has this power of me that I can't even explain.

Now I know that she's definitely right, that all my free time goes to Lila. And that's not like me. Helga reminded me of when we started dating, that I told her that I did have a life outside out of our courtship, that we would date without either of us dropping anything. She was fine with that, and that made me happy too. Neither of us dropped a thing.

But why now?

I don't know. Up until now I pretty much justified it as spending time with my "true love", that I didn't want to be away from her for a second. I did feel the same way back when I was dating Helga, being apart from her was no fun, but it did add to the anticipation of seeing her again.

Oh.

I'm such an idiot.


	4. Making Up?

**To think I wrote this story simply out of pure sadness, and now look, it's escalated into something so much more. XD I'm so surprised at the reception of it too. Wow!**

**You guys rule. X3 And I know you're probably feeling really intense, but fear not, things will look up. :D You know me!**

**So no worry, you guys all know that I'm a huge ArnoldxHelga shipper. So how do you think this will end? ;) Exactly. It may take time to get there, but you all know it will.**

**ANYWAY, back to the story. This will be in Arnold's POV too.**

--~~--

It's funny. People always speculate me as some kind of Saint-like do-gooder who makes no mistakes, as if I'm perfect and flawless or something.

But I'm not.

I'm just a normal teenage boy, and sure I may be different from most average guys my age, and I do everything in my power to help the people around me. But I'm not perfect, I never was. No person is perfect. I have my own set of flaws, I've made mistakes, I've even made selfish decisions that I'm nowhere near proud of. Regret and guilt play the factors in the mistakes I make, and no matter what, I always do everything I can to make things right.

This is really no different. It's not going to be easy, and my own conflicting emotions aren't helping any, but above all, I'm doing all I can to do the right thing.

First off, I called Helga. I apologized to her, and told her that she had been right, and she was. I could tell she was still a little sour about it, and I didn't blame her. She had all the right to be upset. So I offered to take her out for ice cream to make it up to her, and give us a chance to spend time together for a change. She hesitated at first, but eventually gave in and agreed to meet me at Slausen's on the weekend.

To be honest, I was really looking forward to seeing her. I didn't expect anything, but with all I have, I was going to try to make amends between us. The last thing I wanted was to lose Helga. Not only because I love her, but she's one of my closest friends, and it would be wrong to just drive her away so that nothing could monopolize my time with Lila.

I also thought a lot about what I'd said to her. That I wanted to marry Lila one day, and justifying my action in spending all my time with her. Wow. I can't believe what a moron I was. Marrying Lila? I was unsure about our relationship enough as it was, so where did that come from? I don't even know anymore.

Marrying Lila wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing to do someday, but I don't know if I even want to be with her like that. Don't get me wrong, I do like Lila a lot and I enjoy her company, but to be honest, I've come to see that we really don't have passion and chemistry. It's not exciting. And I don't mean it in the terms of how a new relationship is so big and fun at the beginning and then suddenly dies down as time goes by. (That honestly doesn't make sense to me, does a relationship mean that little to some people?)

What I mean is, we don't have excitement or passion. It's not a bad thing, and I don't mean that there has to be fireworks every second of our time together either. It's more of a quiet comfort, feeling content and peaceful. That's always good in a relationship, but I don't know, having just this, I can't help but think that there's something missing.

Of course, it made me realize something.

Lila and I are just not compatible romantically. We do have a good amount in common, and we can definitely have our share of a good conversation and having fun together, but now I realized a lot of things about her that never seemed to strike or bother me as a kid. She sees the world through rose-coloured glasses, and always seems to strike the same note when it comes to her emotions. Always happy and very sweet. It was no wonder I was so drawn to her about the possibility of liking her more than just as a friend, and even over the past couple of months that I've been dating her. Lila's a great girl, and I care about her, I think I always will.

I guess it's simple enough to say that we're just not meant for each other. Gerald once pointed out that we would probably get very bored with each other. And I have to admit, he's kind of right. I guess that's part of what was stemming my huge need to be with her all the time, to find a way to create the excitement. But nothing came.

So now I know the right thing to do would be for us to break up. I have to admit, I'm pretty nervous about doing that. Being me, I always have trouble doing something that would hurt someone else, even if it was the truth. After all, Lila was the same girl who thought I had written "Arnold Loves Lila" on a wall in chalk (I still have no idea who did that), leaving me in a difficult position before I finally couldn't keep quiet and told her the truth. And then after I had a crush on her for a while, which later ended, and then somehow resurfaced eight years later.

Conflicted. That pretty much sums up how I'm feeling about all this.

But I know what I have to do. I have to break up with Lila, make amends with Helga, then move on.

I can do this.

--

Sometimes mistakes can make themselves so easy for me to capture and release, without realizing it, and yet, sometimes even knowing it full well.

Well, like I said, I'm not perfect. I make mistakes, and this time is no different. I don't always win. All I can do is make the best of the situation and not let it haunt me. What happened just now was definitely not what I was intending for, or even hoping for. Well, not hoping for it is kind of a lie, just not under the current circumstances.

It started when I called Lila, only to find out from the household's answering machine that she and her dad had gone out to the country for the week to visit with her aunt and uncle since her grandmother was sick and wanted to be there with her. I wanted to try to see her at the park or something and try to gently break things off, but no such luck. An entire week with her still believing we were together and in love. The possibility of her Grandmother passing away were fifty-fifty, and I knew it would crush her if it happened. I knew I wouldn't be able to break up with her then. It would be the right thing to do logically, but emotionally, it wouldn't. I'd hate to do that to her.

So I decided then to maybe get some advice. Or at the very least, take my mind off it all. I was supposed to meet Helga at Slausen's, so with a bit of a bounce in my step, I went and showed up as I told her I would. Maybe I was unable to fix things with Lila, but at least I could start by taking the first step into making amends with Helga.

It actually went pretty well at first. We met up, and I even gave her a hug. It reminded me of the good old days, and back before we started dating, when I'd give her a hug when she did something I liked. It was funny how I gave her hugs in thanks, and with the other girls, a simple thank you and a shake of the hand was what sufficed. Funny, isn't it? She did push me away after some time, but it was more playful than hostile. I spent about the first ten minutes apologizing to her and explaining my really stupid behaviour. She tried to stay angry about it, but I knew her too well. Even in our heated arguments, we could never stay mad at each other for long. She knows me too, and knows when I'm truly sorry and sincerely apologizing and feeling guilty, not to mention owning up to my mistake. Most guys my age wouldn't own up and would even go as far as to blame someone else. That's pretty sad, and I knew I had to accept it, even if I didn't like it and would never participate in such a thing.

Even in her best efforts to stay mad, I knew she couldn't. To lighten the mood around us, I told some jokes I heard around and eventually got her laughing hysterically. I always did love it when she laughed, really laughed in her true genuine manner. Her silly "evil" fake laughs were always amusing and fun, though. She eventually was in a better mood and we had a good time together for a change.

She even asked me if I meant what I said about marrying Lila. It was a curious and innocent question, despite all that was behind it. I told her the truth, including how I wanted to break up with Lila. I needed to talk to SOMEONE about it, and Helga was always there somehow when I needed her. She was surprised, and then asked what the heck was going on in my head that I actually had the balls to admit that I actually didn't love Lila. It's funny, Lila was either loved or hated, there was no middle ground with her. Was it really that surprising?

Of course I told her it was true, and I'd made my decision, but was unable to talk to her about it due to her being out of town. Then faced with even more of a hindrance if anything happened to her Grandmother. I mean, someone you love suddenly breaking up with you when a loved one dies? That's just cruel.

Helga agreed with me on that, and said "Yeah, that WOULD be pretty asshole-ish of you. Sure, you'd be honest and not be stringing her along or giving her false hope or anything, but if you look at it from the heart, come on, even you aren't that cruel when it comes to being honest. Maybe it's nature's way of telling you that you need to carefully plan this out before making such a hasty decision."

Helga was a lot of things, I'll give you that much. She never had much confidence in herself when it came to giving advice, but I knew that was not true. She did have good advice, she just tells it in her own way. I knew she was right, that maybe I should take this opportunity to think about it, to plan it out, and to give Lila some space. I just had to find another way, another time to properly end things.

So like I said, things were going pretty well. Afterwards, we decided to go hang out together over at Mighty Pete. Our gang's treehouse was still there, and we were pretty sure no one was there today, so we could hang out together like the good old days.

Yeah, the good old days...

We walked together, chatting about random things along the way. It all made me realize how much I missed hanging out with her, how much I missed talking to her. Whether we were friends or dating, I never had a boring time with Helga. Even prior to our courtship, when we actually put our differences aside and spent time together or worked as a team on something, we were just never bored with each other. Even in our most heated moments, but I guess that's a given. We've had our share of awkward moments, sure, but bored? Not in our lifetime. Some people attributed to sitting quietly together and thinking about things was boring, but it really wasn't. We liked to sometimes just sit with each other in silence, enjoying each other's company without doing or saying anything. A pretty good balance, I always thought.

It all made me realize how much I really loved her. How much I really wanted to try to make amends and try for a romantic relationship. But now was definitely not the time. Even if I do end up breaking up with Lila soon, I knew it wouldn't be right to just suddenly jump into a new relationship so soon after. That would be insulting, and seeming as if what I had with Lila meant nothing. It'd be unfair to her and to Helga. No, I couldn't do that. I had to time it right, to pace myself.

Still, even with all that in mind, I didn't even know where I stood with her. Was she over me? Or am I giving in to wishful thinking and believing that she never stopped loving me? I had no idea, and it wasn't like I could ask her about it, either. That was something I learned not to do in an uncertain, and even conflicted situation. If Helga wanted to talk about it and braved herself to do so, or snap, then she would, and I'll listen to her every word and go from there.

I knew it wouldn't be easy if she wanted to move on and was over me. I loved her very much, and I knew it would be impossible to find another girl like her. No, Helga just had that void in my heart that only she can fill. The same kind of empty void that only my parents could fill. I can never be with another girl without thinking of her, and even without comparing the girl to her. Unfair and stupid, I know, but I guess you can't help who you love.

Gosh, I'm getting really off track.

We eventually came to Mighty Pete, climbed up into the treehouse, and we sat around and talked for a while about random things, kind of like we did back in the good old days. I'm saying that a lot, talking about the good old days. I guess I can't help it, we go back a long way. A very long way.

A long way I missed so much. Even with the uncertainty of how she was feeling, I could tell she missed them too.

It wasn't too long after we got here when things got worse. A lot worse. At least not completely. It's hard to call what happened worse when it really wasn't. Logically, it was. Emotionally, yes and no.

All of it started when our conversation took a weird turn.

"Seriously, football head, if you're so worried you won't find another girl, much less a date for the end of the year dance, you don't even NEED to worry. Girls would give anything to date you." She had said.

"Wait, what?" I looked at her weirdly.

"Doi, exactly as I said! There are a lot of girls who want to be your girlfriend, and some of which...just want to sleep with you. Point is, they want you."

"That's flattering and all, but I don't know. I'm not interested in anyone really."

That was a huge lie. And I'm a lousy liar.

Luckily, Helga didn't seem to catch it. But if she did, she wasn't saying anything.

"How do you know unless you give them a chance?"

"Honestly, I don't know a lot of girls, let alone any that I'm interested in. I don't know, now's not the best time to think about it."

"Okay then, but don't come crying to me when you're dateless for the dance."

I laughed then. "Wouldn't dream of it. But then again who says I won't?"

"You wouldn't."

"Why not? We've gone to school dances before."

"That was when we were DATING, Arnoldo. If we show up together at a dance, people are going to start talking."

"People go to school dances as friends or in groups, happens all the time. Contrary to popular opinion, it's not essential to have a date for a dance like it was decades ago."

"Maybe so, but exes going to a dance together will stir trouble."

"Helga, if you wouldn't want to, it's okay." I assured her, and stood up when she did.

"No! It's not that, football head! You're wrong, I really DO want to go with you, to have fun like any couple of friends would! But I CAN'T."

"Why not?" I found myself going closer to her.

She turned away from me, her shoulders trembling. I placed my hands on them, she didn't seem to mind.

"I just can't, okay? I can't explain it, I just can't."

"Helga..."

"Arnold, please, don't." She turned around to face me then, looking up at me. For a fleeting moment, I couldn't help but think of how funny it was that she was the one looking up at me instead of the other way around. Throughout our childhood and our courtship, I was always shorter than her. When we were kids, I even had to raise myself on my tiptoes to give her a kiss. It all changed as we grew older, but she still was taller than me. I didn't mind though, it was actually kind of fun. Now it was the other way around, and it was funny considering how we used to be.

Her eyes were pleading, I could see tears in them. She always had such beautiful eyes, and I saw so much emotion in there. Guilt, regret, sorrow, tension, uncertainty, embarrassment, and...longing.

I don't know how it happened, why it happened, I didn't even know what was going on when it did. All I knew was that I was doing the very forbidden thing I wore never to do in a situation like this.

We were very close together, and leaned in, our lips brushing lightly. Even the slightest brush of our lips sent a jolt through my body, something I hadn't felt in a long time. Before I knew it, we'd grabbed each other roughly and were kissing passionately, deeply. I wasn't myself at this point, my inner mind had pretty much shut down the very moment our lips made contact. Any and all reason and logic were tossed out the window as we proceeded to make out like wild animals, something that occurred quite a bit when we dated.

I can still remember the first time we ever made out. We were ten, having been together for two months at the time, which was surprising since most kids our age who dated barely lasted an entire month, let alone two. Helga was always more mature for her age, and I guess in a way, I pretty much was too, so it was no wonder we tried making out at ten years old. At first, as exciting as it was, we did feel really weird about it and decided to stick to our usual ways of kissing. At twelve, we made out at Rhonda's party when we played Seven Minutes In Heaven, and actually didn't find it so weird. Since then, we made out just about every time we were alone.

And now it was all coming back. We made out for about ten minutes, just like the old days.

Okay, so it might sound that we made out for a while, and then we would eventually...well, make love. But no, that didn't happen.

Even though I can't exactly deny that I wanted to.

We DID kind of feel each other up, though. And I bet we would have probably ended up making love right there in the treehouse if not for Gerald and Phoebe suddenly showing up. We had managed to break away in time before they came up and joined us. They didn't seem to suspect a thing, although Phoebe did catch sight of the hickeys on our throats, which we quickly attributed as blisters.

I couldn't believe we did that. I feel terrible, having practically cheated on Lila like that.

I'll have to think about this a lot harder now. Maybe it's time I took Helga's advice and spoke to Dr. Bliss.


	5. Changed

Seriously. Just how conflicted can someone get?! Not only that, but I've got to be the world's BIGGEST basket case. Then again, I think I established that years ago. I did, didn't I?

Yep.

I can't believe we even did that! I can't believe I made him practically cheat on Lila like that! What the hell was I thinking?! He's so much better than that! Arnold is a wondrous and very committed boyfriend! He would never stray! Sure, he's trying to break up with Lila and all, but still! I can't believe it! Why? Why did I have to give in to my own selfish wants?

Okay, that was my guilty side. Trust me, I do feel bad about what happened. I'm not that heartless! Come on! But now, this is my other side. This WAS with my beloved, after all. So it's no wonder I feel two ways about all this.

Excuse me for a second.

OH MY FUCKING GOD!

I MADE OUT WITH ARNOLD! ARNOLD MADE OUT WITH ME! HOLY FUCKING HELL WAS IT WONDERFUL!

I'm done now.

Seriously! I can't believe I had the luck of making out with him! Yes, even though the circumstances were beyond "No no", but at the same time, who cares?! And hey, he had all the power in the world to stop me if he didn't want it. But no! He kissed back, he embraced back, and most of all, he groped back! He touched me! We felt each other up amidst our heated make out session, and he showed no signs of resistance when I wandered my hands all over his hot, warm body! Oh, and he didn't hold back in touching me either! I LOVED it. Hell, I gave him permission to touch me wherever he wanted YEARS ago!

Not that he ever really did, mind you. He was too much of a gentleman. I had to pretty much take his hands and place them on my boobs myself! Yeah...there was the time we were fourteen and I had FINALLY developed slightly more noticeable and plump boobs. Who else did I want to Christen them than him? Exactly. I'll never forget that day. We were making out, and just like all those other times we did, I wanted him to touch me. But of course he never dared betray further than along my back, waist, sides, and sometimes along my forelegs. He was nervous, thinking I would get upset if he touched me inappropriately. Yeah right! He could grab my boobs in public and I wouldn't care! ...Well, okay, I would, since we would be in public, but the point is, deep down, I wouldn't!

So I took his hands and pressed them to my developing sacks of flesh. Oh, the look on his cute face! He was staring from me to my boobs with fascination and surprise, and I told him straight out that he could touch me wherever he wanted to. He blushed hard, mumbling a little under his breath and smiled shakily. Awww... What a cutie.

Only now he belonged to little miss Mary Sunshine. LILA. So he wants to break up with her. HA! As if she's going to let him! She sure had no trouble going for him when she clearly knew I loved him more than she ever could. Ugh, I know it's about not having to live by someone else's "rules", no one should decide who to date or not to date based on someone else's feelings, but jeez! Damn it Lila, he's MINE!

I wish.

Damn it.

So she came back to town, about three days ago now. I heard from Arnold that her Grandmother didn't die. Wonderful! But oh, here's the kicker.

She's in a coma.

A fucking coma!

Isn't that just as bad? If not somewhat worse? Sure you're technically still alive, but there's no telling if someone will ever come out of it. Seriously, if I was a vegetable, and pretty much pronounced to be as such for the rest of my life, I think I'd want to be put out of my misery.

So long story short, Lila is upset and hurting. Okay, I can understand if she'd feel that way. I'd feel the same if that happened to someone I cared about. So don't think I'm not being sympathetic! I am! Like I said, I'm not that heartless.

And she doesn't know that Arnold is breaking up with her, so I guess to be fair, it's not like she knows what's going on.

Still!

Phoebe said to me again that I wished she was smug about it so that I would hate her. Ugh...damn it all.

So of course, now I ask, now what?

Okay.

I'll give it a few weeks, a month at the most. That should be enough time for things to move forward. Lila will calm over and move on with life, Arnold will break up with her, and then we can give ourselves time and effort to maybe re-establish our relationship.

Sounds like a good plan.

--~~--

IT'S BEEN TWO MONTHS AND HE STILL DIDN'T BREAK UP WITH HER!

DAMN IT ALL!

So what happened? I guess I'll start from the beginning.

A month after Lila pretty much felt better about her Grandma, though she still was saddened, Arnold did try to break up with her in the nicest way possible. But Lila didn't have it. She broke down and got really sad, saying he was all she had that she cared about, and just wanted to keep trying. They could make it work, she said.

COME ON!

What did she suddenly lose her entire family? Have to resort to migrating to a different place? Being shunned by the people of the said place just because she was different and a foreign person? And having no one to rely on or be close to except for one particular person who's shown you kindness and you fell in love with? HELLO?!

Lila...I can understand she's upset about her Grandmother, and I know she would feel upset about being dumped, but please! This is the better thing to do! Why Lila?! Why are you letting Arnold string you along just because you don't want to deal with heartbreak? Hello? He pretty much told you he didn't love you when he was trying to break up with you! Staying with him is not going to make those feelings go away! Status doesn't determine feelings, you ungrateful whore slut bitch!

A little harsh, but I don't care. I am so MAD!

But oh, all those factors alone are not why I'm so mad now. Let me tell you the kicker by recounting a conversation I had with Lila.

_Me: Lila, just what are you doing?_

_Lila: Whatever do you mean, Helga?_

_Me: You know exactly what I mean! Why do you have to cling to Arnold even though he tried to...oh wait, what was that again? Oh yeah, BREAKING UP WITH YOU!_

Do take note of my sarcasm there.

_Lila: (Is looking at me with surprise) You knew about that?_

_Me: Doi. Of course I did._

_Lila: I...I know it's ever so wrong, but I...I just can't._

_Me: And why not? Give me one good reason...no, FIVE good reasons why this is justified._

_Lila: I...well...it's that... I really do care about him ever so much, I...I have never had such a wonderful boyfriend before him. With him, you know it will last and it's forever. I'm oh too certain we're perfect for each other... I'm ever so sure that he's just confused. After all, he liked me for the longest time... Maybe he's just having some problems and can't think straight._

Was she delusional? She actually thought they were PERFECT for each other?! This may be my own biased opinion, but come ON! Does she have any idea how romantically incompatible they are?! It's kind of like if I ever got together with Brainy (eww!) or something! They just don't work!

And what? WHAT?! She's with him because he brings STABILITY?! Yes, I can't argue with that, but...what the hell!? If that pretty much is the only thing you have going for you, and a more friendly kind of approach to each other, then...what the hell kind of life is that?!

I was getting so mad now, I couldn't hold back.

_Me: Lila, you are FOOLING yourself! You're stringing YOURSELF along for the ride! Will you just accept the fact that you two are incompatible and just move on?! One-sided relationships DON'T WORK!_

_Lila: Helga, I understand ever so much that you love him but-_

_Me: And enough with that stupid "ever so" and "oh too" business! It got old years ago! But that's not the point here. The point is, you are not doing the right thing! You are keeping Arnold tied to a relationship he doesn't want just because you can't seem to let go and give up probably the best boyfriend you could have. News flash, Lila, Arnold wants to be JUST FRIENDS. Let it go already!_

_Lila: But I... know I love him, Helga... I need him in my life... I want to be his forever._

When the hell did she turn into me?! She couldn't possibly love him like I do! I'll admit, I feel the same way, I need him in my life too, but if he didn't love me, then jeez! I sure as hell wouldn't be fooling myself by staying in a relationship with him.

Oh wait a second, this is LILA we're talking about. The only person from P.S. 118 who hasn't changed in the least. Rose-coloured glasses, using sweetness as a defence mechanism. Love and a stable relationship brings, oh yes, HAPPINESS.

Please. If she really loved him, she would LET HIM GO. Arnold told me himself he didn't feel that way about her, and we all know he would never lie about something like that.

So when did she become such a stupid flake?

_Me: The only one "confused" here is you, Lila. If you love him so much, then why the hell are you guilt-tripping him into staying with you even when he clearly states he is NOT in love with you? He's not leading you on, you're not leading him on, YOU are letting HIM lead YOU on! Don't you think you deserve better than that?_

_Lila: Helga, I'm oh too certain you of all people would understand._

_Me: The only thing I'm understanding right is that you're sitting there questioning my intelligence like that! For your information, I may love Arnold...but please, if he didn't love me, you think I would actually waste my time?! Forget it! I'm not that stupid nor desperate! Of course I'd be upset, of course I'd have a hard time letting go, but the point is, I WOULD LET GO! One-sided relationships don't work, Lila. So either grow a spine and break up, or face the consequences of Arnold finding someone else._

_(She sits there in silence, staring at her shoes, and then looks up at me.)_

_Lila: Helga...I can't let him go._

_Me: There are plenty of fish in the sea, hello? Time to throw in your own line!_

_Lila: But I-_

_Me: No! No buts! What happened Lila, you've become a flake! What is this, some kind of stupid ploy of revenge from back when Arnold liked you in fourth grade and still showered you with affection even when you clearly said you didn't feel the same way?_

_Lila: What? No! No! I'm ever so sure I would never do that!_

_Me: Then you sure had no trouble going for him when you clearly knew that I loved him!_

_Lila: Helga.... (She actually looks offended) However could you say that? I'm oh too certain that I had no obligation to hold back on going for him just because you did. You would have done the same._

_Me: Double standard! Please! And for your information, _Lila_, I wouldn't have gone for him if he liked you! If it was open for debate, and he turned out to like you, then fine, I'd back off! But if he liked me, well doi, I'm not backing off! So shut up and grow a spine already!_

And then I just left. I couldn't stand listening to her anymore. It made no sense at all! What happened? Why was Lila acting like a stupid flake?

Ugh, I'll never understand her. I didn't back then, and I sure don't now. Just what the hell is going on?!

I know! I'll go see what my beloved has to say about all this on the weekend. And at the same time, it'll help get my mind off things. Arnold my love...even in the toughest times, he can never fail to soothe my soul and calm my nerves...

--~~--

Holy...

Hell...

I don't even know where to start.

Oh what the hell, I'll get the good news out first.

I went to talk to him. Him being Arnold, doi! Lucky for me, he was at home, and heck, I even got to chat a bit with Miles and Stella. Ah, I sure missed talking to them. They're so awesome.

Anyway, so I went upstairs to his room, and there he was...

Sitting on his couch, of course. What did you expect me to say!? Perverts. Even if he was... Back off! MINE!

Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself.

So we talked, firstly about Lila. I gave little snippets of my conversation with her. Like I was gonna spill out every word! Oh, he knew what was going on, and was really unsure of what to do anymore. He even said that he barely even knows Lila anymore. She wasn't like this back in the fourth grade when Arnie dumped Lila to try to be with me (ewww). She still looks and acts the same, but with all of this relationship stuff, it's like she's a completely different person.

Or rather, a clingy dependant girl desperate for a stable relationship.

What the hell?

Even HE said it didn't make much sense. AHA! See!? When Arnold says it doesn't make sense, then you know full well it doesn't make sense! ...Or, well, something like that, I guess.

Anyway, I'm rambling about this. I'm going to just get to the good part already. Where I found out something completely unexpected. Here's how our conversation went:

_Arnold: I don't even know what to do. I try to turn her down gently, but she keeps insisting for me to give her a chance._

_Me: Arnoldo, you've always had trouble saying no. _

_Arnold: I know, especially when she gives me those Bambi eyes._

_Me: You'll have to grow some balls eventually. Put your foot down, and let her know you won't tolerate it! For God's sake, she's delusional or something!_

_Arnold: (Sighs and then stands up) You're right, Helga. I guess I really should just put my foot down. I hate to hurt Lila like that, but I guess it's better than stringing her along and giving her false hope._

_Me: Atta boy, you're finally getting it! So then, you have anyone special on your love radar? _

Why did I even ask that?!

_(Arnold by now looks uneasy and blushes a bit, rubbing the back of his neck. Awwww...so cute.)_

_Arnold: Can I be honest with you about this, Helga?_

_Me: Doi, of course! Honesty has always been the best policy with you. So spill, what is it that you have to be so honest about?_

_Arnold: Well, I... (He starts blushing REALLY hard for some reason) Like I said, I just wanted to be honest about this, I'm not expecting anything. I just wanted you to know that I love you._

There you go.

That's what happened.

He loves me. He loves me...

HE LOVES ME!!!!!!!!

DEAR HOLY HEAVEN OF GOD HE LOVES ME!!!!!! _HE _LOVES ME! HE LOVES _ME_!!! MY FOOTBALL-HEADED LOVE GOD FREAKING LOVES ME! ME! HE LOVES ME!

Okay, I'm back. I can't believe it, but it's true! He loves me! For a fleeting moment, I didn't, and yet I knew he would never joke about that kind of thing! That sure explains why he didn't pull or push away when we made out! Oh my God, he loves me! He really loves me! He STILL loves me!

Take THAT, Lila! He loves ME! HA!

Okay, okay, I'm not that heartless. Just telling the truth, that's all.

So what did I do?

Well...I kinda told him I loved him too.

It was quiet in the room for a few minutes, neither of us knowing what to say. I wanted one of us to break the silence! But no, we absorbed all of this, and then, reality set in.

So then Arnold tells me that we shouldn't jump into a relationship right away, even if he does manage to break it up completely with Lila. Okay, sure, the waiting will kill me, but I do understand. So I told him that was fine, just as as long as he doesn't keep me waiting TOO long! I gave him two months at the most. He agreed to it and promised not to keep me waiting.

To seal the deal, he kissed me. YAY! I tried hard not to turn it into a full-blown makeout, his lips are SO hard to resist! But then, trouble happened.

The door to the bedroom opened and in walked Lila, right in middle of our embrace and kiss. She saw it all before we had a chance to break apart as if we'd been shot.

Oh...shit.

--

**Not to worry guys, everything will be made clear later on! :D**


	6. Over and Out

**(Arnold's POV)**

Lila saw us kissing, and I knew this was bad. I didn't even know that she was coming over. Truthfully, I felt terrible for what we did, and I knew Helga did too. Lila stood there in the doorway, gaping at us in shock. I opened my mouth to try to say something, though even then I didn't even know what to say, but she got tears in her eyes and bolted, running down the stairs.

Panicked, I was about to go after her, but Helga grabbed my arm.

"Better not." She'd said. "It's time she faced reality on her own."

I thought then, figuring maybe she was right. At least for now, Lila did need to face reality on her own. When she's ready to talk, I'll be there to listen, and set her straight.

Still, I did feel bad that Lila had to catch us like that. It made me feel like a horrible jerk, since we were technically still together, despite it being one-sided by now. I may not have loved Lila, but I did still care about her, and I did still want to be her friend.

Helga did say she had it coming, considering the circumstances. Maybe not the best way to put it, but at the same time, it does make sense. She said that every now and then there were people who needed more drastic wake-up calls, and this was one of them. Okay, maybe not drastic, but certainly not pleasant. Maybe she was right, maybe Lila did need a drastic wake-up call to face reality.

Then again, she always did see the world through rose-coloured glasses, even back when we were kids. So it's no wonder she was trying to cling onto something good and ignore the bad aspects of it.

I did feel bad that it had to end this way, but I came to realize there was nothing I could do about it. All I could do was face it, and make up for it.

I'll give Lila a few days, and see when she's ready to talk about it.

...

**(Helga's POV)**

I can't believe she had walked in on us like that! Before I could even-

Okay, okay, to be fair, I know she didn't know what was going on until she opened the door and saw us.

What's going to happen?

Even I don't know.

I have to admit I do feel kind of bad about this, I know Arnold would never have meant to break things off with her in this kind of way. Especially since he, nor I (somewhat) weren't out for revenge or anything like that. But like I said, I guess she needed a wake-up call like this. She wouldn't listen. She wouldn't let go of something that wasn't meant to be held onto.

Sure I may not know for sure what's going to happen, but at least now I know my love story won't end up like John and Dawn's.

Oh, John...

At least now I'm not so conflicted. Those were some pretty tough times.

XXXXX

**(Arnold's POV)**

I couldn't believe what had happened. Lila was furious at me, actually yelling and letting out her anger. I have to say, that was surprising considering ever since we've all known her, she's struck every situation on the same note. Happy and bubbly. But now, it was as if she weren't Lila at all.

Not that I didn't deserve her anger, mind you.

She yelled for about ten minutes, claiming me to have played with her heart (she still didn't believe that I never wrote that message on the wall back on fourth grade) over and over again. I didn't interrupt or say anything, I just let her let loose. It was good that she was finally standing up for herself and being true to her emotions.

She even called me names. Heartbreaker, jerk, cheater, jackass, player, you name it.

Then she yelled for me to get out, even though we weren't at her house, we were at the park, and I did. I didn't say a word to her, and I didn't look back. Lila finally accepted I was never going to be hers, albeit angrily, and now was the time to move on. It was sad how things would never be the same between us again, but that's all part of learning a lesson, isn't it?

I felt bad for what had happened, and I wanted to make it up to her, and I will one day, when she lets me. She deserves better, and I know one day she'll find someone who will love her for who she is and will want to be with her. I have every faith in that, and I hope for her happiness.

As for Helga, we did agree once more to wait two months so that we wouldn't be in some kind of a rebound relationship. In the meantime, we'd still be friends, but we would wait for a while. I knew it would be wrong to suddenly jump in a new relationship, making it look like Lila meant nothing to me, and she didn't mean nothing to me.

It's a bit of a drag to wait so long, but I know it's the right thing to do.

**(Helga's POV)**

From what Arnold told me, it was pretty shocking what happened with Lila. I never would have expected her to do that! Wow. That's just crazy!

I thought name-calling was my thing! But no, apparently not.

At least now, it's been quite a while, she's mellowed out and she's back to normal, but she won't speak to either of us. Feh, whatever. That's her loss. Maybe she'll come back around, but even I don't know what's going to happen with that either. Oh well.

Arnold's pretty bummed about it, but at least he's not running back to her in some kind of effort to make her happy again. That would've been stupid. Helga G. Pataki does NOT accept pity dating!

Some at first would think that Arnold loved me out of pity. HA! They don't know how wrong they are. I know the football head loves me for me, he's proven that way too much.

So there, you stupid nay-sayers! You can suck my ass and go to Hell!

Ahem.

So everything is...KIND OF back to normal. And one of these days I'm taking Arnold out to meet John, so he can tell his stories, ESPECIALLY the story in his book. It'll be so fun.

We do have to wait two months now before getting together, and that plain sucks. But like he said, it's the right thing to do. And when Arnold says it's the right thing to do, you can take that to the bank.

But that doesn't stop me from sneaking in a kiss every now and then. Heh heh... He does tell me to stop but I know that the smile on his face when I do it betrays what he's saying.

Oh well.

Two more months and then he's finally all mine.

* * *

**Hey guys. :) Thanks SO MUCH for being so patient in waiting for this. And well, it's over now! At least for now. Maybe one day there'll be a sequel. But for now, it's all up to you with what happens. :D Have fun! Go wild! And thank you for reading a silly drabble that I wrote purely out of sadness! xD Haha! Funny how these things turn out!**

**I'm NintendoGal55, I remember it because no one else does!**

**...Yes, that was a reference to the Nostalgia Critic. x3 That'll be my catchphrase from now on. YAY!  
**


End file.
